apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
