i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
