You're so nebulous sometimes
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
