Im at strip club and am horny
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
