idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
