Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Randomize
