So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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