I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
