Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
