And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
