and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
