everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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