3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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