I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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