i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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