Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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