my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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