i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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