when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
