if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
