Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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