Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
