The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You made out with two different species that night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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