i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just had sex on a roof
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
