Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
