Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
