i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
