Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Dignity is for republicans.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
