She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think your dad took our porno
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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