By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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