Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
