i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
