I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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