like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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