Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
