HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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