I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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