I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
