she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
