she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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