Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
