this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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