I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
