Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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