I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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