'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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