it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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