I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
nutella sex= disaster
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
