I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
