Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
