It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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