I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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