it wasn't lemon gatorade
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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