Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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