so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
